Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
