Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
