I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
