She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
