I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
