You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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