a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
