My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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