I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
