i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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