happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
