You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
