hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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