After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
