I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
