Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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