Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
