Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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