Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
