he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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