someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
