a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
