What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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