Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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