dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
