I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
