Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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