He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
