How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
