sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
