Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
