Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
