Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
