Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
