guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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