I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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