I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
