If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
