They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
