I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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