it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
this is an emotional support booty call
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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