I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
