I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
