idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
