Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
