Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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