You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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