and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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