i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
