just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I got inside last night via doggy door
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
