Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
