6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
