Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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