i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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