You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
