Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
