so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
