It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
