My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
