You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
