1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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