he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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