You smell like stripper and shame
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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