I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
