Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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