My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
