He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
