Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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