You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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