does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
being pregnant is like rehab
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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