Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
